‘Think’ tank’s bold bid to create new jobs by donating hours from existing jobs

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Riding high on uncritical acclaim after publishing a report saying that switching to a 4 day week could create 500,000 new jobs, barely-think tank Autonomy have followed up with further astounding revelations to get Britain back on its ‘whatsisnames; you know, those things at the bottom of your legs’.

Daring to ‘push the ideas envelope further’, according to a spokeswidget, if everyone reduced their working week to just one day, the amount of new one-day jobs that could be created would be; “Oooh, I don’t know- loads. Is Frillions a number?”

They confirmed it would also see knock-on benefits for recruiting services, betting shops, off licences, pay(one)day lenders, bailiffs and food banks, all of which would be expected to rotate staff correspondingly seventhly.

Other innovative recommendations in the ‘Not just bleedin’ obvious, but unworkable’ report include making disposable masks last forever by not breathing in public, driving 60 miles to a beauty spot for an eye-test, avoiding future stockpiling by shops selling pasta by the single piece, and some waffle about creating herd identity without acknowledging a significant number of people will therefore die.

The spokeswidget concluded: “It’s time to embrace bold new thinking. After all, we’re the ones who advocated relying on people’s innate sense of responsibility and clarity of thought when pissed to reopen Glasgow pubs safely, and that’s gone swimmingly.”

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2020 by

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