While the ex-Australian Prime Minister has been approached to lead UK trade talks, the Football Association have labelled him dodgier than Peter Ridsdale playing blackjack in Las Vegas. Despite allowing a consortium run by Attila the Hun and Fred West to purchase Portsmouth FC during the 90s, the FA said Mr. Abbot would not pass their quality threshold as an owner, let alone a club mascot.
Mr. Abbott has struggled to distance himself past statements from climate denial to sexual slurs about Skippy the Kangaroo. The fact that the FA would not endorse him is a blow, given that they had no qualms making Fabio Capello England Manager or letting John Barnes rap.
The FA, itself, is infamous for its slack background checks, having previously appointed Chairman Mao to the board of Doncaster Rovers. A UK spokesman remarked: ‘Some have suggested that Mr. Abbott is homophobic and misogynistic, which make him unsuitable to represent Britain; but I say it sounds like he’ll fit in nicely’.