Passengers onboard a plane that Boris Johnson is flying have expressed mixed feeling after he announced that he would consider smashing into the ground and killing everybody onboard to be ‘a good outcome’. The Prime Minister assured everybody that he would like to land the plane safely at the intended destination if at all possible, but an alternative of flying straight into the sea, or crashing into a mountain in a blaze of fiery death, would still be acceptable and we can all then move on from there.
‘I was a bit concerned that Boris and his friends were flying the plane in the first place as it’s quite clear that none of them are remotely qualified to do so,’ said Janet Anderson, a very worried passenger on the flight from London to Brussels. ‘But we held a vote as to who should be pilot and, through a mix of chirpy optimism, vague promises and outright lies, he managed to convince 43.6% of the passengers to vote for him. That’s democracy, right?’
Many of the passengers who voted for Mr Johnson and his crew to fly the plane still have absolute confidence in him though, despite an erratic performance so far. ‘The Prime Minister said this was going to be an easy journey and I have no reason to doubt him. It has admittedly been a bit bumpy so far, he did go and hide in the toilets for quite a long time, and I’m almost certain we’re going the wrong way, but I’m sure he knows what he’s doing,’ explained Steve Perkins, who is adamant that Boris is doing a much better job of flying than Jeremy Corbyn would have done.’
‘If Boris says that crashing into the ground would still be good for us then that’s fine by me. Although I have noticed that him and his friends seem to be the only ones onboard who have parachutes. And they are standing quite close to the emergency exit door. But I guess they must have worked really hard to be able to afford parachutes, so that’s good enough for me.’