Seven mums who meet up on Monday waiting to discover who is the least popular


The ban on social gatherings of more than six people in England from Monday is leading to a tense stand-off for seven mum friends who had planned to get squiffy on cava in the park, it has emerged. One friend, who wished to remain anonymous said: ‘It totally messes with the group dynamic. I mean, if I had absolutely no choice but to leave someone out. Christ … I really can’t decide. No, I really can’t … Susan. One hundred percent. I mean, she’s lovely, but she does go on a bit. But, I mean, well, it’s all Matt Hancock’s fault anyway.’

Another friend, who also wished to remain anonymous, commented: ‘It really messes with the Monday catch-up. I think we’re just going to have to cancel. I mean, I couldn’t imagine us meeting up without one of us. We’re the sisterhood. It’s such a shame. Just because of some arbitrary cut-off number. Well, it’s a sacrifice we’ll all have to make….’

‘I mean, if I really had to choose, maybe Susan. Only because we’ve not known her as long as the others. Well, apart from Laura. And Jane. I mean, she’s really, really lovely. But, I actually think she has some other mum friends. Probably. So, she could meet up with them. One of us should perhaps suggest that when we guilt-trip her into not coming by dropping vague, spineless hints in a passive-aggressive manner.’

Susan said: ‘I never thought I would ever say this, but thank you Matt Hancock. I am so glad to be out of that rancid shit show.’

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2020 by

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