Seven mums who meet up on Monday waiting to discover who is the least popular

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The ban on social gatherings of more than six people in England from Monday is leading to a tense stand-off for seven mum friends who had planned to get squiffy on cava in the park, it has emerged. One friend, who wished to remain anonymous said: ‘It totally messes with the group dynamic. I mean, if I had absolutely no choice but to leave someone out. Christ … I really can’t decide. No, I really can’t … Susan. One hundred percent. I mean, she’s lovely, but she does go on a bit. But, I mean, well, it’s all Matt Hancock’s fault anyway.’

Another friend, who also wished to remain anonymous, commented: ‘It really messes with the Monday catch-up. I think we’re just going to have to cancel. I mean, I couldn’t imagine us meeting up without one of us. We’re the sisterhood. It’s such a shame. Just because of some arbitrary cut-off number. Well, it’s a sacrifice we’ll all have to make….’

‘I mean, if I really had to choose, maybe Susan. Only because we’ve not known her as long as the others. Well, apart from Laura. And Jane. I mean, she’s really, really lovely. But, I actually think she has some other mum friends. Probably. So, she could meet up with them. One of us should perhaps suggest that when we guilt-trip her into not coming by dropping vague, spineless hints in a passive-aggressive manner.’

Susan said: ‘I never thought I would ever say this, but thank you Matt Hancock. I am so glad to be out of that rancid shit show.’

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2020 by

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