Top 20 reasons your boss wants you back in the office


He has no friends

He is part of a death cult

He is tired of being naked from the waist down in online meetings

He has shares in Pret a Manger

He is bored of talking to his butler

He lost all the furlough cash in Las Vegas

Knowing you spend 20% of your salary on train fares gives him an erection

He is secretly having an affair with your partner and needs you out of the house

He can’t operate zoom without a dozen IT technicians

All coronavirus deaths are tax-deductible

Even though the work appears to be getting done despite the circumstances, you are all a bunch of workshy scroungers who need to be watched like a hawk at all times

No-one seems to be using the WhatsApp group he set up for the whole department

Maureen is still on furlough and frankly, there is no-one else available for a post-Powerpoint hand job

The three dead bodies in the meeting room following Ron’s somewhat hasty decision to run through the second quarter’s results need moving, if you wouldn’t mind

After months not driving anywhere and thus unable to put through inflated expense claims, Senior Sales Guru Beamish is threatening to throw himself out the seventh storey window and someone needs to man the mop and bucket in case things go a bit south

To remind himself what you look like

For a valid sample size on whether his cock looks meatier in these tight trousers

To look down her nose at you pathetic minions for not having a new Porsche Cayenne

His PA has gone on maternity leave, and you’ll do

He wants to sack you face-to-face so he can see you cry like the pathetic piece of shit you are

Hat tips Midfield Diamond, Steve B, Sinnick, oshaughnessy

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2020 by

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