Plate is full, say sausages, as Breakfastxit tensions explode

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In what analysts have described as a significant escalation in the ongoing Breakfastxit crisis, sausages have insisted that the plate is full and that there is no room for any more mushrooms. In a move widely criticised, they have created a hostile environment for those mushrooms already on the plate and declared that any more en route to the plate will be considered to be illegal immigrants.

The head sausage has been very clear all along that borders will be enforced with a ring of steel and that any new vegetable-based matter will be sent back to where they came from. Hash browns have been made to feel particularly unwelcome, it is alleged, with marauding gangs of gammon masquerading as bacon and telling them to ‘go back to the freezer’.

Rumours have been spreading that beans on a raft heading towards the plate got into trouble. Some beans were lost, but no matter how desperate their situation, the message has been strong: they had absolutely no business making their way to the plate in the first place. Pro-bean groups say that they have found the sausages’ actions hard to stomach.

A massive fried egg was offered huge tax breaks to swap plates. It was labelled ‘free range’ and sold to the plate population as a great asset that would bring value to all via a trickle-down effect. But eggs already present have been eyeing other plates ever since negotiations broke down and the plate distanced itself from surrounding crockery. Some tomatoes are up in arms because they have not experienced any such effect, while others claim that this sis a lie and the tomatoes are ‘braising it out’.

From the other side of the plot, sausages have long been accused of hoarding HP Sauce off-shore, giving it an advantage over the other parts of the Breakfastxit that they can never ketchup with. The accusation has been strongly denied, despite clear evidence to the contrary. However, there is no doubt that it will leave a bitter taste all round.

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2020 by

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