Director General of the BBC Tim Davie has issued detailed orders in a last ditch attempt to adjust the left leaning bias of the corporation. He has been politely told by Government advisors to realign its current radical anarchist approach to a more totalitarian-style regime. Consequently, all journalists, newsreaders and presenters will be fitted with electrodes attached to their genitals.
‘This will administer a severe electric shock whenever someone thinks of something beastly and unpleasant about Boris’, he thundered, ‘or all my other Conservative mates who I went to Cambridge with. So if you see dear, dear Laura Kuenssberg, standing outside Parliament with her hair burning and standing on end, you know she’s taking the consequences for all those evil, unbalanced, pro-Marxist, anti-Brexit, anti-incompetence thoughts she’s been hiding down her bra.’