British public to blame for ‘just about everything’


The government has reassured the British public by holding them to blame for absolutely everything, including the spread of coronavirus, the lack of available testing and the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in 1914. Discussing the problems with managing COVID-19 , Health Secretary Matt Hancock explained: ‘Just because we claimed to have built a world class testing system, doesn’t automatically mean that the public should expect to use it.’

Prime Minister Boris Johnson was also quick to point the finger, stating: ‘Unfortunately the British people have a long tradition for being responsible for the cock ups of government. The Suez Crisis was all the fault of a driving instructor from Leeds. And if the Smith family from Bolton hadn’t spend billions short selling the pound we would never have crashed out of the ERM in 1992. Besides, if the public had shown just a little more restraint over the years then maybe I wouldn’t have impregnated so many of them.’

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Posted: Sep 12th, 2020 by

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