Pint-sized fury cannon Mark Francois MP has announced his new anti-discrimination initiative, Short Lives Matter, a movement designed to raise awareness of the plight of Britain’s tiny, angry, middle-aged men.
Wearing a pair of stacked Cuban heals and standing on an upturned Henry Hoover, Francois declared: ‘All my life I’ve had to fight discrimination because of my stature. If it hadn’t been for my easy going charm and piercing intellect, I might never have become a Tory MP. Our aim is to open doors, or at least cat-flaps for men like me.’
Francois was joined by BBC presenter Dominic Littlewood. ‘As a fellow ruddy faced gremlin I was thrilled to be asked to join Mark’s campaign’ revealed Littlewood. ‘My life has been hell because of institutionalised shortism. When I was young, I could never reach the top-shelf mags. And you try cracking one out to Crochet Monthly.’
Francois kicked off his campaign by taking the knee at Prime Minister’s Questions, although no one could really tell if he was still standing or not.