Continuity experts have been flummoxed by internet rumours that the Prime Minister may have already moved onto his fifth wife; skipping over number four, various plot twists and all sense of propriety. Instead, Mr. Johnson is on the verge of creating a space/time paradox where is he is in a constant state of divorce and marriage.
Referred to by scientist as ‘Schrodinger’s horny tom cat’, Mr. Johnson is simultaneously in a box masturbating, while having an affair with your wife. Some in the UK are suggesting that information of the affair is hidden behind a super-injunction, while others suggest it is just super-gonorrhoea.
Fans of the ongoing saga of Mr. Johnson’s love-life are concerned that key episodes, DNA tests and subsequent child support payments may have been missed. His new paramour confirmed: ‘I am dating the PM – but quite frankly, who isn’t these days? He told me that he loved me but that was full five minutes ago, so he may have already moved on’