Boris to split up with his new girlfriend before they even start dating


Continuity experts have been flummoxed by internet rumours that the Prime Minister may have already moved onto his fifth wife; skipping over number four, various plot twists and all sense of propriety. Instead, Mr. Johnson is on the verge of creating a space/time paradox where is he is in a constant state of divorce and marriage.

Referred to by scientist as ‘Schrodinger’s horny tom cat’, Mr. Johnson is simultaneously in a box masturbating, while having an affair with your wife. Some in the UK are suggesting that information of the affair is hidden behind a super-injunction, while others suggest it is just super-gonorrhoea.

Fans of the ongoing saga of Mr. Johnson’s love-life are concerned that key episodes, DNA tests and subsequent child support payments may have been missed. His new paramour confirmed: ‘I am dating the PM – but quite frankly, who isn’t these days? He told me that he loved me but that was full five minutes ago, so he may have already moved on’

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2020 by

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