David Rogers, professor of futile entomology at Anthea Turner College Cambridge today published the results of his exhaustive seventeen year study into the uselessness of the common moth.
‘This is my life’s work. Over 2000 pages of analysis and statistics, comprehensively peer reviewed and submitted to the Royal Society which we believe proves, without doubt, that moths are a right bunch of dicks.
I mean, they fly into my bathroom at night because they think the light is somehow the moon. What’s that all about?, It’s nothing like the moon. It’s much smaller for a start.
And why are they so obsessed with the moon anyway? They’re never going to make it. And even if they did, there’s fuck all for a moth to do up there anyway. Honestly, set of furry faced wankers the lot of them.’
Asked about his next research project, Rogers explained, ‘We think we’re either going to look at whether wasps are a bit tetchy or if Boris Johnson is a clueless oaf. That one probably won’t take seventeen years though.’