Man living in doghouse declares life ‘never better’

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A man literally living in the doghouse is delighted to have got a foot on the London property ladder- and be in his wife’s good books for once.

Despite earning pounds as barrister, it took two decades and Rishi Sunak’s stamp duty leg-up for 47-year-old Sam Jenson to scrabble together the eye-watering deposit on his dream starter home, a dog kennel round the back of some lock-up garages in Bermondsey.

Sam said, “I’m often in the doghouse, usually when I’ve dropped a cup, or forgotten the missus’s birthday. Now we’re in it together, and it’s brilliant.

“It’s snug, everything’s within reach, and as the agents were keen to point out, when the Tories’ stealth window tax comes in, we’ll be laughing. Plus any money saved can go to the rapidly escalating chiropractor’s bills.”

Any other downsides to living in what Crammin’s estate agents marketed as ‘an aspirational bijou chalet in urban canine style, with enviable fixtures including water bowl, chew toys, and arts and crafts tooth-mark detailing’?

“The open-plan frontage is a bit draughty, and the previous owner left a lot of manky bones lying about. But it already feels like home- I think we’d miss the gagging stench of Winalot anywhere else now.

“We get a few other first-time hopefuls round waggling their Rishi vouchers, but we find a hearty growl and rattle of the chain sends all but the most persistent packing.

“And since I’ve been such a ‘clever boy’, there’s no shortage of nocturnal bone-related activity, if you get my meaning. Although the dimensions mean we do have to stick to just the one position, appropriately enough.”

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2020 by

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