Activities described by man as ‘absolute scenes’ actually only mildly surprising

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Activities described by a man on Facebook and Twitter as ‘absolute scenes’ are actually not that out of the ordinary at all, it has been confirmed.

Pete McBride, 36, from Stockport, insists on massively over-bigging all events that he has been involved in, or seen on his social media feed, as if he is a reporter at large for Fox News or something.

‘ABSOLUTE SCENES at our local last night when a man tripped over carrying three pints back from the bar. Staff had to clean it up with a cloth #totalcarnage’, McBride commentated on Facebook.

‘Watched the Liverpool game last night’, continued McBride. ‘Scenes of the highest order in our house when that winning goal went in. New sofa and decorating probably required’, whilst admitting to himself that he gave a small fist pump at the goal, quietly finishing off his can of Carling in his living room.

‘Studies have shown that most things described as absolute, total, or unbelievable scenes fall within 0.3 standard deviations of the average amount of excitement generated by that individual for a particular activity or by watching a particular story’, noted Richard Davies, Professor of Behavioural Psychology.

‘We’ve just published a paper on this in the British Medical Journal, actually’, continued Professor Davies. ‘When the paper got accepted, you should have seen the absolute total scenes’.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2020 by

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