Hampshire based confidence fanatic Alan Scott was left aghast yesterday after a series of gesticulations and random threats of violence somehow didn’t convince his broken laptop to boot up.
‘I always thought I knew a bit about computers. I’ve sent loads of emails and I’m an expert with the old In-Private Browsing, but i simply couldn’t get it to work. I tried everything, turning it off and on again, blowing the dust off the keyboard, unplugging the mouse, but no, nothing. Even holding my head in my hands and mewling ‘Just bloody work please’ didn’t make a difference. It’s just astonishing.’
This is the second recent disappointment for Scott who also failed to get his car started earlier this week, despite looking at the engine and saying ‘hmmmm’ and then kicking the tyres for a bit.
‘Like any right minded individual I believe everything Michael Gove tells me, so when he said that we were all sick of experts I thought you know what? He’s right, I can turn my hand to anything. IT, vehicle maintenance, basic scaffolding, corneal surgery, bring it on. Turns out though you have to employ ‘Qualified Professionals’ to do this sort of thing. Who’d have thought it?’
Scott was last seen preparing to smash a wasps’ nest on the side of his shed with a medium sized garden rake.