Officials have concluded that Blackpool residents in private houses are the obvious cause of a coronavirus spike in the town. ‘I can’t think of any other reason for it,’ said one expert wearing a ‘kiss me quick, hug me slow’ hat while standing shoulder to shoulder with tens of thousands of visitors marvelling at the wonder of the electric light.
‘No way it could be the visitors socially distancing on a two nanometre scale,’ said another expert being swept away by a hen party from Blackburn, sensibly avoiding the need to be locked down in their own hometown.
It has been estimated that every visitor to Blackpool was ‘probably covid free’ and in fact Blackpool now has the largest concentration of covid free people in the country. ‘It’s the local people in their houses and gardens, that’s where the risk is,’ said an expert rammed into a B&B with walls less than a virus width thickness along with his family and one hundred other strangers.
‘You can’t beat shared bathrooms, can you?’ he asked.