Government looking for alternative to ‘me too’ sat nav system


As the UK prepares to leave the EU it also has to consider how it will cope without access to the EU satellite navigation system it currently enjoys. ‘Sat Nav is useful,’ agreed a government minister, ‘but is it really necessary?’

There are concerns that a UK independent system could cost ‘lots’ and all the current Sat Nav devices in use such as mobile phones and car based navigation units wouldn’t necessarily work with a new system. However the government is hoping to replace the system with a lower technology alternative.

‘Women and old men on every street corner providing directions to where you want to go will remove the need for a box of whizz-bang electronics in your car, and a relay system of semaphore flag wavers on every hilltop, all funded by Rishi’s job creation fund, should be considered a viable alternative, relaying everybody’s location to GCHQ,’ he said. Critics point out that semaphore is historically unsecure, however the government is considering scrambling the flags in an attempt at end-to-end encryption.

We’ve done a trial in Lancashire that is proving very successful,’ claimed the minister, although reports that every other person asked for directions in the trial insisted that they ‘wouldn’t start from here’ and that the semaphore wavers were ‘crap’ at emojis. ‘It removes the security aspect of the current GPS where terrorists could home in on a signal with a missile. You try doing that to a man on a hill waving a flag,’ said the minister.

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Posted: Sep 27th, 2020 by

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