Sir David Attenborough and members of the Royal family are currently working together on a new six-part series for the BBC. The series – titled ‘Different Planet’ – aims to highlight the subtle differences between being born into the Royal family and being born into an interbred army of alley cats like you. The Royals sign up to be treated by an NHS dentist from Bulgaria and wait ten weeks for an appointment to see their local GP. Prince Charles agrees to learn how to boil an egg with Bear Grylls, Camilla is asked to eat pizza, and the Duke of Edinburgh learns how to hold a conversation with someone who ranks lower than an Earl.
There is even an insight into how the Royals juggle their complicated finances. When asked if he had ever been forced to visit ‘the bank of mum and dad’, Prince William admitted that he had been there on several occasions and that he would always bank with Coutts. He also issued a dire warning, saying that people in the UK needed to act now if the Royal family was to continue living in the eye-watering opulence to which it had become accustomed.
The future monarch revealed that people would need to give up more than the odd plastic bag if they wanted to see Kate continue gurning like an idiot, and performing mind-numbingly simple tasks with school children for the entertainment of Daily Mail readers. He also said that the world needed to work together if it was to solve environmental issues that would endanger the future of private jet travel, Hermes diamond-studded handbags and Monaco.
During his visit to Kensington Palace, Sir David gave Prince William the rotting tooth of a poor person and warned the future monarch that if he didn’t eat up all his caviar and quails eggs like a good little boy, he too could one day meet a poor person himself. Prince William warned that rising sea levels could threaten important British territories, like the one where grandma squirrelled away all her cash. When asked if he thought his actions would help save the polar bears, the Prince replied, ‘only if they live in the Caribbean’.