Reports circulating this morning that a clue was spotted going through the front door of 10 Downing Street remain uncorroborated, despite several eyewitnesses coming forward. Following a meeting of the highly influential Haven’t a Clue Committee, a procession of cabinet members was seen leaving the building, although none has been able to shed any light on the matter.
Michael Gove said, ‘I know the Prime Minister has been desperate to have a world-beating clue at his disposal recently. However, having spent quite a considerable time in his company, I certainly haven’t seen any evidence of one.’
Health Secretary Matt Hancock commented, “A clue? Err… no… I don’t think so.”
Priti Patel admitted she’d once seen a clue arrive in an inflatable dinghy, served it with deportation papers and had it flown back to Sudan or somewhere a bit foreign-sounding.
Meanwhile, former minister Chris Grayling, who had turned up for the meeting anyway, despite no longer being in the cabinet said: “No good asking me. I wouldn’t know what a clue was if one wearing a t-shirt saying – Hello, I’m a clue – bit me on the arse.”