Revelations, in the New York Times, that Mr Trump may have inadvertently helped others financially, has undermined his Presidency, the American Dream and the memory of his father, Scrooge McDuck. His advisors have been asked to explain this oversight, as the only time Mr Trump had wasted this much money before, was on entering a Twitter Spelling Bee.
News that he paid ANY federal tax in 2016 & 2017 has shocked the markets. A spokeswoman for the IRS said: ‘This is a bit of a windfall for us, we’ve got $1,500 more than we expected. I know the Department of Education was hoping to give every student an iPad, well, I guess we can make that dream come true – if they don’t mind sharing the one iPad between 60 million kids.’
The last billionaire to pay tax in the US was John. D Rockefeller, when he accidentally tipped a waiter in 1916. Since then, no person of wealth has contributed to the American economy, other than Jeff Bezos, who in 2014 swapped North Dakota for foot-spa during a Black Friday Sale.
The $750 would normally be tax deductible – as part of his daily hair-product allowance. Sadly, Mr Trump will now have to trim his expenses; which means delaying his next marriage, putting Eric up for adoption (again) and reducing the Mexico Wall down to a small box hedge. In other news, his accountant has been named as a finalist for the Booker Prize for Fiction.