A mood of sympathy for Donald Trump has swept the world. After The New York Times detonated the fiscal bombshell that the hardworking president only had enough money to pay $750 in tax, the shocked global community went into empathy overdrive.
North Korea has chipped in with free presidential haircuts, saving around $70,000 a year.
Mexico has declared Trump a national disaster and promised to pay in full for the wall that keeps out drug-crazed Americans.
China is forcing Uighurs working in slave labour camps to stitch together a range of super-long red replica presidential ties with their teeth. 10% of all proceeds will go to the Trump charitable foundation.
Slovenia has offered to switch Melania back to a pay-as-you-go contract
Iran has sold off six nuclear reactors and a uranium mine to Hezbollah with all proceeds going to Trump.
Thousands of American patriots have also been rallying to the cause, selling their smouldering, fire-damaged homes and Eric Trump bibles, as well as setting up Save The President Kickstarter schemes to raise emergency funds.
“If the guy only pays $750 a year in tax, he must be earning next to nothing,” said a tearful Ralph Gullible of Des Moines, “I’m sending a few thousand to him, I only wish it could be more.”