Next Covid press briefing ‘to be carried out suspended from zip wire’ reveal No 10


A leaked memo, believed to have emanated from insiders within No 10, reveals that the PM will carry out his next Covid19 press briefing suspended from a zip wire above Victoria Park in East London.

An unnamed source close to Mr Johnson says that recent press conferences have not quite been going to plan and a change of emphasis is needed to get the message across and maybe lighten the mood a little.

‘He has tried his best. He tried the sombrero gag, the whack-a-mole gag, and the ‘world-beating’ gag was classic Boris. They all got a few laughs at the time, but with 42,000 deaths, and winter looming, he needs to start upping his game.

The gag-per-death ratio needs to improve, or people will start to notice something is not quite right with the numbers. So we thought about re-visiting some of his previous standout moments, like the zip wire gag. Maybe he will rugby tackle a few kiddies too and try boxing with some schoolgirls. That one went down well’.

Other upstanding artists will be invited to participate during future zip wire routines. Already lined up to dangle alongside Boris are rising stars of the UK comedy circuit, Chief Scientific Adviser Sir Patrick Valance and his sidekick, ‘Wacky’ Chris Witty.

‘They are certainly different from your usual slapstick act’ said veteran comedian Larry Dyer.  There is usually a straight guy, and a fall guy, but this pair are both straight guys AND fall guys at the same time.  Yet they still make people fall about laughing…that’s comedy genius’.

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2020 by

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