Trump: ‘So I got (gasp) Covid? No way (wheeze) just fake nooze (hacking cough)’


President Trump has denied widespread reports that he and Melania have contracted Covid-19, slamming them as being nothing more than “fake news in the continued witch hunt against him and his presidency.”

Speaking to reporters from a Washington ICU bed he gasped: ‘Folks are saying (wheeze) I got (hacking cough) Covid-29. It’s a (gasp) story being (cough-cough-cough) being spread by – hey, you there! Where’s my mosquito juice? (cough-cough), gimme a hit of (hacking cough) that Helium!’

Sleepy Joe Biden who (choking gurgle) don’t wear a mask has got it. FACT! But (hacking cough) Covid ain’t real anyway. I’m a clever guy. Say, can somebody (gasp-gasp-gasp) turn the aircon up high. (Rasp-gasp-cough-gurgle). I’m burning up here, goddammit!’

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2020 by

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