President Trump has denied widespread reports that he and Melania have contracted Covid-19, slamming them as being nothing more than “fake news in the continued witch hunt against him and his presidency.”
Speaking to reporters from a Washington ICU bed he gasped: ‘Folks are saying (wheeze) I got (hacking cough) Covid-29. It’s a (gasp) story being (cough-cough-cough) being spread by – hey, you there! Where’s my mosquito juice? (cough-cough), gimme a hit of (hacking cough) that Helium!’
Sleepy Joe Biden who (choking gurgle) don’t wear a mask has got it. FACT! But (hacking cough) Covid ain’t real anyway. I’m a clever guy. Say, can somebody (gasp-gasp-gasp) turn the aircon up high. (Rasp-gasp-cough-gurgle). I’m burning up here, goddammit!’
