Waitrose extend “Autumn Leaves” range to include dog poo and chewing gum

Waitrose Leaves

 

Not content with charging people who have much more money than common sense an eye-watering £6 for a bag of fallen leaves this Autumn, posh supermarket Waitrose, announced earlier today that it is going to extend the concept.

From next week customers will be able to buy bags of dog poo left hanging from trees by pet walkers.

Gyles Pemberton, Marketing Manager for the retailer, said, ‘The Autumn Leaves range has been so successful we thought why not expand the idea. Therefore, we will be selling the nation’s discarded doggy doo-doos suspended from branches, in new specially commissioned Cath Kidston designer pouches. At only £65 each, I’m delighted to say advance marketing feedback suggests business will be very brisk indeed.’

One thirty-something couple, Poppy and Ollie Vickers from Barnes in West London were beside themselves with excitement. Poppy commented, ‘We already have our phone alarms set from 3.00 am so we can get down to the store nice and early and be first in the queue. We both want to bag a bag. Hahaha!’

Meanwhile, Pemberton refused to confirm reports that the range will be expanded in time for Christmas, with packets of recycled chewing gum scraped off the pavement rumoured to be carrying a hefty £25.00 price tag.

 

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2020 by

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