With the President and the First Lady both testing positive for Covid-19, voters fear that Mr Biden may have also caught the virus during the obligatory handshake or from the inevitable fondling backstage. The sexual tension between Joe and Donald was palpable throughout the debate, with both men barely able to string a sentence together while trying to hold their passions and bladders in check.
Said one political observer: ‘As every fan of rom-coms knows, when two people argue like that, they are just masking their true sexual feelings for one another. All that shouting and interruptions were pure misdirection; you know when the cameras are off, those two leathery leviathans will be in each other’s arms.’
Both Trump and Biden are in the elderly high-risk category, most likely to succumb to Coronavirus, fall down the stairs or forget which day of the week it is. Yet despite their combined age of 327, they share a propensity for wandering hands and Horlicks.
Neither camp have denied that a kiss took place, although there is disagreement as to who initiated it, as both prefer to make the first unwelcome advance. An insider commented: ‘Joe and Donald just want to do to each other, what they plan to do to the American electorate. Yes, there is a risk of catching something unpleasant, but that’s a risk Covid will have to take.’