The government has defended its £10 billion investment in Track and Trace contracts even after the software fiasco that led to twenty-two thousand confirmed covid-19 positive results not being uploaded to the contact tracers. ‘It was a software issue,’ insisted a government source today. ‘Clippy should have popped up and asked if we needed extra columns in the Track and Trace spreadsheet. That’s what we paid Microsoft £58 for in 2002 when we bought our copy of Excel.’
Microsoft has defended the failure to alert the government on a mission critical software system. ‘Clippy hasn’t appeared in any version of Microsoft Office since 2005, as it was considered to be patronising. We’re not even sure the version being used by the government has been paid for – the licence number is registered to a Mr Alex Fosdyke and as far as we can tell there are at least forty copies being used at any given time,’ said a Microsoft spokesman.
Critics of the government ‘world beating’ Track and Trace point out that even if the government did pay £58 for the software there is still £9,999,999,942 unaccounted for. The government spokesman was able to answer that question quickly, pointing out that they ‘needed a new set of inks for the printer as well.’