US President Donald Trump and the First Lady Melania Trump are to remain in isolation after being declared karma-positive.
At the recent presidential debate Mr Trump was seen spluttering insults and showing signs of delirium and mania, though the President downplayed this, insisting his recently delusional claims about injecting bleach were merely a passing bout of sarcasm.
Doctors have stated that the Apprentice star is likely to experience breathing difficulties as a result of a lifetime of ‘breathtaking arrogance’. The First Lady has also isolated after exhibiting signs of asphyxiation similar to that suffered by gold diggers of the 19th Century.
Observers have long since suggested his condition was ‘on the cards’ due to his reluctance to exercise truthfulness combined with his bloated, obese ego and enlarged Twitter thumb, declaring he has been in the gestation stage ‘for some years’. Experts in deserved illnesses have warned that supporters’ ‘hopes and prayers’ are only likely to exacerbate the condition.
Supporters and anyone who has been in proximity to the President are also at risk of poetic justice, or at least symptoms indicative of irony, though several leading Republicans have declared themselves safe after following doctors’ advice to wash their hands of him. Meanwhile, official advice on the pandemic has changed from ‘it is what it is’ to ‘what goes around comes around’.