‘World beating Track and Trace’ now available in the App Store

Screenshot 2020-10-05 at 17.31.31

The government has decided that now is the time to ‘monetise’ the work it has put in on its ‘world beating Track and Trace’ program. ‘Rishi did the initial programming, I wrote most of the algorithms,’ said Prime Minister Boris Johnson today. ‘Dom gave the code a once over, but that was before his eye test in Barnard Castle,’ he added.

The app will be available in the Apple App Store and the Google Play store, retailing for £350,000,000 a download. ‘It sounds a lot, but one download will include a licence for the whole population of a country, so if you divide it between all your subjects,’ said Boris, pulling off his socks to continue calculating, ‘then it works out as jolly good value. If Donald buys it, it costs just over a pound per head in the US. Not as good value for Monaco though, although they can afford it I guess,’ he added.

The Prime Minister was visibly shaken by an assertion that the app was ‘buggy’ and ‘probably not good value for money.’ ‘Nonsense, there might be the odd glitch in the code, but we can sort that out by the middle of next week – er, next month, – er – sorry, Dom says next year. But don’t you worry, download it today and start saving lives. Or necks, as Rishi puts it. Ours.’

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2020 by

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