Debate has been raging on social media over the adage “Better live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep”.
One disgruntled lion seriously disputes the wisdom of this. “For the last fifty years, my job has been appearing on TV to give a throaty roar at the beginning of every MGM film. It’s mind-numbingly boring”, he says. “And the effort requires so much protein and carbohydrates that I have to kill and eat a medium sized animal every 24 hours, which isn’t easy in Hollywood these days. I envy those carefree ruminants who can survive on a few mouthfuls of grass a day”.
“Then there’s the expense of keeping up my image as the king of beasts”, he goes on. “I can’t go around looking shabby, with dags hanging out of my arse, like your average sheep. But whenever I ring up a pet grooming service, they start making excuses when they hear I’m a lion, muttering something about their insurance not covering jobs on large fauna”.
Sheep still insist the lions have it better, however. “You don’t see them being herded around on TV by a collie with a brain the size of a pea, with that creepy sadist Phil Drabble looking on”, says one bitter ewe. “And while I’m at it, I’m six years old – I wish they’d stop referring to me as ‘lamb'”, she added, speaking from a platter at Waitrose deli counter.