The White House confirmed this morning that President Trump has contingency plans to continue as America’s leader in the event of his death from Covid19. In a croaky video message, a pale looking POTUS declared ‘This is where JFK got it wrong. If only he and his team had kept him on from the grave after that whole loser’s Dallas thing, he’d have had Camelot a lago above the clouds!!’
Washington insiders have been forced to admit that there is nothing specifically in the American constitution that prevents a President remaining in office after they have died. ‘Everyone just sort of presumed we would move on to the next guy…’ said one worried Senator.
The President confirmed he was already in talks with God to do an alternative deal which returns him to good health by Wednesday for an undisclosed number of American souls, with the almighty supplying 25 withering anti-Biden one liners for the debate, and heavenly protection from accidental TV self urination. ‘I’m also getting good signals from the hereafter about the way ahead for me if I die. While I’ve been here I’ve had great talks with God, who appears to me in a deep shade of red during fits of unconsciousness brought about by my newfound dream of impending immortality. God’s obviously a horse lover, because when he appears in my sleep, he has hooves, not feet. I really like his little wisps of smoke and his weird gardening fork. Who knew God could be so alluring? But the deal’s he’s offering me will be great. And I know about deals, believe me. (Splutter, retch)’
‘Okay, nurse, stick the tube in again. I can take it. I’m not gonna cry this time. I can be strong. I’m in the peak of good health for someone fatally ill’