The Health Secretary has had to issue a press release to explain the fact that his department has wasted millions of pounds, developing a great way to make Genoise cakes. Instead of tackling Coronavirus, budgets have been squandered on five hundred tonnes of eggy bread.
The new App will track and trace the nearest whisk, allowing members of the public to safely enjoy a Parisian macaron. A spokeswoman apologised: ‘We are sorry for any confusion. The technology we will be trialling will not be world beating but it will lead to a really fluffy souffle’.
Other software that had failed to make the grade included a stitching App called ‘Pearled Pleating’, a programme for large lollypops – ‘Whirled Sweeting’ and a software for the purpose of locating lost sheep – described as ‘World bleating’.
She went to explain: ‘You can’t cure a virus without cracking some eggs, but it’s probably easier to make an omelette. The app will not track the spread of the Covid-19 but it will tell you if Paul Hollywood left cake crumbs in your wife’s bed.’