As coronavirus has now been confined entirely to the region of the UK where strangers talk to each other, the government has decided to force the contaminated north to find alternative venues to be 24-hour party people. [read...]
‘My wife always told me my dress sense matched the upholstery of my Austin Allegro’, explains accounts clerk Martin Wear, 49. ‘All I had to do was add the right shade of fake tan, and I just dissolved into the background as soon as I sat in the driver’s seat’. [read...]
Worried viewers fear they will have nothing to watch between repeats of ‘The Snowman’ and ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys Christmas Special’ (which is basically a normal episode with half the swearing and added tinsel). The Scheduler’s Department failed to clarify the situation, [read...]
‘Anyone could’ve seen what was going on if only they’d bothered to look in the right place, which was under the table mostly’. [read...]
Everybody must stay 2 metres away from themselves from Monday. Herds will be immune.
If Monday falls on a Tuesday the rules are reversed. Please report any violations of spacetime to the appropriate authorities (apart from the one near Cardiff – BT engineers are working on it). [read...]