Prime Minister Trudeau has set out to utilize Canada’s shameful Apology Deficit Disorder, by becoming a world leader in repentance. A remorseful spokesman said: ‘We deeply regret the shallowness of any previous contrition. And we apologize for winning Gold because it’s not Bronze – and sorry if we beat anyone’.
The most apologetic Prime Minister in Canadian history, Trudeau is currently sorry that a government contract was offered to a charity to which his family has ties, an apology which followed fast on the heels of his seasonal apology to indigenous people.
‘Apology Deficit Disorder is a hangover from our nation’s colonial past,’ said the lamenting spokesman. ‘Past apologies have not been sufficiently inclusive, diverse and equitable. We regret the hurt this has caused the unmollified, whoever they may be, and hope our honeyed words will inclusively sweeten the mood of diverse future voters.’
‘It’s simply not acceptable,’ reply critics representing whichever group isn’t accepting whatever apology he’s making this time. ‘Next, time say it with flowers’.