The government has admitted that it didn’t take much notice of the SAGE group of scientists recently because they started to say ‘inconvenient things.’ Apparently the government did listen to them once before, but that was a complete disaster – tax revenues dropped and ‘we started paying lots of money out,’ according to one un-named source who only answered to the cryptic title of ‘Chancellor’.
‘It was interesting, in a geeky kind of way,’ said another anonymous source who hid behind a fake ID of ‘PM’, or ‘BoJo’ as one of his group called him. ‘They came up with all these charts and numbers and started pushing us away until there was a gap between my belly and their belly – I’ve no idea how any of these people get pregnant,’ he said. ‘We only followed them out of curiosity, but now they’ve chosen the same old boring route we’ve decided to go our own way. We’ve been around enough scientists to qualify by now, anyway,’ he added.
Another anonymous source enigmatically calling himself ‘Gove’, also called ‘twatface’ by the rest of the group pointed out that the government, therefore by definition the country, ‘had had enough of experts anyway,’ claiming custom and practice.