Reports that the UK is on the verge of nation-wide blackouts due to unplanned energy supply shortages have fuelled stampedes all over the country as panicked Brits rush to stockpile electricity. Those with their own solar power systems, however, remained calm and unusually tight-lipped.
Jeremy Silverman from Guildford said, ‘I went to Waitrose, Marks, and even Sainsbury’s; it was bedlam and they had no electricity left on the shelves. I really don’t know what we’re going to do. Maybe I’ll have to bite the bullet and seek inferior quality electricity at Tesco?’
Rod Baker from Coventry pointed to two 400 kV insulators in a bathtub at the bottom of his garden and said, ‘I nipped down the local substation and liberated those, whatever they are. So we’ll be OK.’
Sources who claim to know what electricity is and where it grows say that strong, stable, independent, World-beating, Brexit Britain will do what it normally does at times like these, and secretly buy a load off the French.