New colour invented for Portillo trousers

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A brand-new colour never before experienced by human retinas has been invented for Michel Portillo’s trousers.  Portillo, celebrity shouter at dining-car lamb chops worldwide, is famed for his heliotrope hacking jackets, cerise socks and chartreuse chinos.  He explained: ‘Butterflies experience many more colours than we can.  I like to think my own taste in diverse hues is rather like that of a butterfly, even though my face looks like a veal chop that might be served to me on a long journey to Tromso. ’

‘My team of designers has spent years investigating butterfly vision to come up with unseen colours which will make my famed dining car appearances that much more memorable.  Literally thousands of railway enthusiasts write to me weekly asking how I keep a lemon V neck or a pair of persimmon slacks free of intercontinental gravy.  I have to put it down to my on-location valet, and his skill with Dabitoff.  Also, I avoid most soup. ’

Mr Portillo, once a Conservative MP until he wasn’t any more, continued.  ‘Whenever I see ultramarines I give them a good hard look.  This new colour is a result. ’ It’s understood Mr Portillo may give up his train journeys for a new quiz show ‘Who wants to be a vermillionaire?’

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2020 by

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