Southern Electric (SE) have discovered that tens of millions of people have been deliberately hiding their skills and thus avoiding peak-rate electricity bills. By concealing their light under a rudimentary bowl, artists have avoided utility payments; thus, pretending to be unpretentious but in a sneakily pretentious way.
Sarah Clarke, aged 7, who unbeknown to her parents is a budding poet, was shocked to get a bill through the post for £400. While Banksy, who by remaining anonymous had reduced his electricity bill to £37.50, now faces a monthly fee of £7.5 million.
This trick was first introduced in the Gospel of St. Matthew, originally to avoid VAT on candles, but since the development of electricity, modest people have been saving hundreds of pounds. It transpires that humbleness is just a tax dodge, very similar to the Meek trying to get around inheritance tax.
A SE spokeswoman said: ‘We became suspicious when 16 giga-watts of electricity were drained from the National Grid, after someone created a series of delightful water-colours but left them unsigned’. Asked if James Corden had anything to worry about in terms of concealing skills, the spokeswoman said: ‘No’.