Comedy venue ‘The Tory Party’ given entire £1.57bn virus arts aid fund


Arts groups and venues across the UK have reacted furiously to the news that culture secretary and bowl of dog sick in a suit, Oliver Dowden, has withdrawn all their funding and handed it over to a single entity.

Hotbed of hilarity, The Tory Party, has hosted stand up and slapstick for many years. It’s internationally renowned for incomprehensible and ever-changing rules, slapstick u-turns, and gales of complete silence.

The shows are compered every night by alternative comedy supremo Borishi, the bastard love child of Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak, who typically performs alongside a pair of grim-faced fall guy scientists. It’s a comedy white knuckle ride of disposable nappy jokes, cutting edge anti-croissant routines and the one about people on meagre wages only getting 70% of their pay, usually brings the house crashing down.

Arts Director Edna Fazakerley at the OopNorth theatre in Shiteton-on-Morgue said all she’d received from the arts council was a cheque with NOWT written on it in capital letters.

“It’s such an insult. The bastards told us we were getting £376,000 and now there’s jack shit. We were going to use t’ money to stage a version of Alan Bennett’s “Thelma & Louise stay in and do bog all apart from knitting a string vest.” This theatre has a long and illustrious history. We once had Sir Ian Mckellan taking a piss in the foyer during the interval of Alan Bennett’s talking head version of Pulp Fiction and look where he is now.’

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2020 by

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