After an exhaustive two-month family inquiry, Gavin Williamson’s Mum has revealed that because of the ‘terrible shambles’ he made of this Summer’s GCSE and A-level results, he has been grounded.
‘Quite honestly we’re livid with Gavin. He brought shame upon this family. He’s not been quite so naughty since we found him with an old copy of one of Dad’s H&Es out in the potting shed.’
‘That time he got the slipper, and when I tell you that, following our deliberations yesterday, Dad nearly gave it to him again, then you may guess just how angry we are.’
‘He will now remain in his bedroom. We have confiscated his PlayStation, TV, Pokemon and Warhammer figures too. He is to get no treats or sweeties whatsoever, and he must write a letter of apology to every last one of many thousands of hard-working students whose lives he blighted.’
‘He may get out in time for Christmas, but that will only if he stops making such a colossal arse of himself every time he opens his mouth.’