Following his recent statement on free school meals, Nigel Farage has realised that he is actually to the Left of the current Government.
He remains slightly to the Right of Hitler and Genghis Khan.
Mr Farage has decided that he is, therefore, the best person to lead Labour against the Boris Bikes, also known as Her Majesty’s Government.
‘Look, Keir Starmer is quite good at facts but that doesn’t win arguments. I’m the bloke in the pub, the one who should really be England football manager, the person who knows what we need to do with immigrants”, said Mr Farage. “If you want to connect with the British voter then reason and facts are just an impediment.’
‘Obviously, I still believe we should torpedo pedalos in the English Channel. I just draw the line at starving children. If that makes me a leftie, well, so be it.’