Trump’s personal lawyer and CNN’s analyst have rigorously defended themselves, against the accusation that they have pleasured themselves on camera; a spokesman replied: ‘Both men have regularly appeared on TV and I can assure you, no one has ever been pleasured by the experience’. Medical experts will attest that the men were administering emergency Covid protection, with a happy ending.
Explained a Doctor: ‘As we know, Covid affects the penis first. If you think you may have been infected, its vital that smear the nether region in copious amounts of alcoholic lubricant. Ideally, in close proximity to a pretty lady-nurse – just in case you need a second opinion or a hand’.
Through a series of graphs and dick-pics scientists showed how the virus entraps the penis with promises of underage sex and then takes over the whole Anthony Weiner. Thanks to the quick thinking of Toobin and Giuliani, many lives were saved and teenage pregnancies avoided.
Sadly, Toobin’s career as a journalist may be over, but his career as Mark Francois impersonator is just starting. Asked if Mr. Giuliani’s actions would embarrass the Trump campaign, an incredulous spokeswoman said: ‘Have you met the candidate?’