Government reinstates free meals to stop deprived kids developing taste for quinoa


A government source has revealed that the inevitable embarrassing reversal over free school meals is being fast-tracked over fears that working class kids might be ‘getting funny ideas about social mobility’.

‘We were quite happy letting cafes and community groups across the country to do our job for us,’ he said. ‘Then someone pointed out many of these are actually in quite nice, middle-class neighbourhoods. We assumed it’d be all chicken-shop dregs and crisp sandwiches, but apparently not.’

With reports that council-estate children are discovering a new world of avocado hummus, polenta and cashew-nut pesto, the Act to Reinstate School Canteen Slop is being rushed through its first reading before any C2/DE child can learn to ask ‘Hang on, isn’t that The Ivy’s new tasting menu?’.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2020 by

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