‘I was just saying how great crack dens and brothels are,’ insists Tory MP

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Ben Bradley, Conservative MP for Mansfield, has defended endorsing a tweet saying that free school meals vouchers were ‘£20 cash direct to a crack den and a brothel’ by insisting he was simply coming out in support of Class A drugs and prostitution.

Bradley, whose meteoric rise through the meritocracy that is the Tory party peaked at clinging onto the dizzy summit of Vice Chairman of the Conservative Party for Youth for six whole months in 2018, showed exactly how concerned he was for those youth unfortunate enough not to have access to a polo pony, chalet in Verbier, or future by voting against the proposal to keep our most vulnerable children safe from malnourishment and rickets.

In the time-honoured tradition of his Prime Minister, Bradley declared the non-Tory 95% who read his tweet agreeing with the claim and were then violently sick to be simply thickos who couldn’t be trusted with words, the internet, opinions, or calories.

‘What I clearly said was that crack dens and brothels aren’t just for the summer,’ insisted the privately-educated mongoose, who has deciding that coming out as a fan of the full gamut of illegal trafficking is a better vote-winner than apologising, taking a long hard look at himself, or helping prevent children having to subsist on grass and hair.

‘Many drug dealers are finding it tough at the moment; I’m just reminding people to keep buying their essential- not to say jolly moreish – comestibles,’ he said. ‘And don’t forget prostitutes, and more importantly, their dependents. I know we all enjoy visiting brothels, but just for once, don’t do it for the ego-boosting gratification of degrading domination: give them one for the pimps, they’re the real victims during times like these.’

Warming to his crusade, Bradley, who at the last count claimed £58,985.65 in parliamentary expenses in 11 months, continued: ‘Everyone knows care homes simply trade excess PPE on the black market for Sanatogen and Werther’s Originals. They’re all at it. Let’s redirect resources to the truly deserving: hard-working county lines gang-masters and smack-houses.’

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2020 by

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