The Government has won a resounding victory in Parliament, making all words illegal which contain the letters E and U consecutively. ‘We needed to see the job through to its ultimate conclusion,’ said a jubilant Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. ‘This is truly a great moment in history: one in which Britain untangles itself from the very last strand of European control. We must all become accustomed to removing all references to Europe and the, the, the, European Thingy from our speech and our writing.’
Architect of the historic EU Act Michael Gove stated: ‘There are many additional benefits. This will bring an end to feuds between the front and back benches of our Party. Indeed, there will be no more feuding between anyone in the Conservative Party. This will pave the way for a series of further Acts, which will pass through quickly and without disruptive contemplation.’
Although there has been widespread support for the new law, some opposed to the move suggested that there would be consequences the government had not considered. Pressure groups supporting regular travellers between London and the North and West of Britain were dismayed with the outcome of the vote. Euston station has been closed with immediate effect, and the entire station will be demolished completely.
In addition, the Conservative MP for Camborne and Redruth, George Eustace, has been removed from his position and it is understood that he will be deported to Belgium within 24 hours. Due to an administrative error, Guernsey has been returned to French control, the entire Eurythmics back catalogue has been deleted and pharmaceuticals will no longer be available, although Gove admitted that was going to happen anyway. Ironically, the Government’s senior adviser, Dominic Cummings, is understood to be opposed to the move as his dream of bringing back eugenics have now had to be shelved.