Britain’s Greatest Generation of 1910-1924, which went through six years of brutal warfare to defeat Nazi Germany and continued to endure food rationing for eight more, has admitted – in most cases posthumously – that it did rather drop a bollock when it came to producing its long-term replacement.
‘Our bad. We meant well but we got it wrong,’ admitted the ghost of Private Sidney Dobson (1919-1995), a cheery former dock labourer from Dagenham. During the war, Dobson spent five days being strafed by German planes on the beaches of Dunkirk before being evacuated and was later injured by a mortar bomb at the Anzio bridgehead, before finally returning home in 1945.
‘We wanted our kids to be proud of us of course but we also wanted them to grow up with free healthcare and not to have to go through another war like we did. Now, when I look down and see my son Colin wearing a poppy the size of Oxfordshire every year and banging on about the Battle of Britain like he was manning the Spitfires himself, it does boil my piss a bit,’ Dobson said.
‘You were born in 1947, you little twerp. You grew up with the welfare state; you got a well-paid job at Ford’s, despite being as thick as two short planks; you got given a four-bed council house, which you later bought for threepence-ha’penny; and now you’re sitting on your comfortably retired arse all day, moaning about youngsters spending what little they have left after paying their rent on milky coffee, while repeatedly voting to take their whole future from them. Muppet.’
Added Dobson’s father Reginald (1898-1919), from the ‘Lost Generation’ of 1883-1900: ‘You think Sid’s lot had it bad? I was shot through the thigh at the Somme, patched up and sent out to get gassed at Passchendaele and when I got home, I found my wife was pregnant by another bloke. Before I could even work out what to do, I died of the Spanish Flu and I never even got to meet my ‘son’. Oh yeah, sorry Sid, that was you actually…’
Dobson’s cousin Albert (1934-2014), from the ‘Silent Generation’ of 1925-1945, was invited to comment but declined.