KickBucketer launches as crowdfunding site for contract killings


Now that the ‘Kill Gina Miller’ crowdfunding page has been taken down, two entrepreneurs have launched KickBucketer to capitalise on the growing market for mass hate and murdering public figures.

‘With all due respect to Ms Miller,’ said Dean ‘Crusher’ Thomas, one of the KickBucketer founders, ‘her successful fronting of this campaign, so to speak, demonstrates the market is ripe for our product. We have a perfect storm of politicians and the media whipping up fear and hate, growing numbers of loudmouth celebrities, millions of knobheads with access to the internet and a bank account, and, of course, Britain’s unsung army of murderers, assassins and terrifying psychos, just trying to make a living in a society that has too-often shunned them. We are here to bring these people together – until one of them is dead, that is.’

‘We need an end to the nannying health-and-safety culture online,’ said his associate, Arabella ‘Blood Money’ Simpson. ‘For too long the dead hand of the state – if you’ll excuse the expression – has intervened to stop the internet being used to realise the will of the people. KickBucketer can be the Amazon of next-day lethal deliveries. And for anyone who has qualms, try this for size: our pilot ‘£1m to End Piers Morgan Now’ campaign was oversubscribed in 17 minutes. Trust in the wisdom of the crowd.’

Meanwhile, GoFundMe has apologised for allowing the Gina Miller page to remain on its site for weeks and promised to review its screening procedures. An internal review has found that the company’s ‘exhaustive ethics process’ consisted of two tick boxes, one committing the fundraiser to pay 1% commission and one declaring that ‘any consequences of any sort from now until the end of time’ were not GoFundMe’s responsibility.

A Financial Conduct Authority spokesperson said; ‘We can now see that there might be a loophole there, but last year we ran it by EY and they said it sounded legit, so what more could we have done?’

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2020 by

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