White House in turmoil after DNA test proves Trump is Chinese


An urgent DNA test ordered by concerned White House staff after his address to the nation in fluent Mandarin, has proved that Donald Trump not only does has a secret Chinese bank account, but is also a fully paid-up member of the Communist party. A senior doctor said Trump was fully capable of whipping off a fly’s testicles at short notice through his mastery of chopsticks and ancient Kung Fu.

Many Republicans find themselves torn. Hank Klansman, leader of the vegan-loving peace-promoting Evangelical Proud Boys, said: ‘First we had the Havana library card discovered in Eisenhower’s wallet, then it was Nixon’s all-expenses-paid account with the local Vietnamese takeaway. I guess it means we’re still gonna vote, although it will now be for Chairman Trump.’

In the ongoing panic, Trump’s security detail has found a secret facemask factory in the East Wing and Melania has been relocated to a four-star Uighur re-education centre. Meanwhile, the Vice President has hurriedly changed his name to Comrade Xi Jinping Pence and the CIA is opening a full investigation into The Trump Wet Market Corporation of Wuhan.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2020 by

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