In the aftermath of the EHRC report, Jeremy Corbyn has decided to not build a pyramid in his allotment that he had hoped to be buried in.
The planned mausoleum included space for artefacts from Corbyn’s political life, such as the scalp of Theresa May and his bling Liberace coat from appearing on The Last Leg. A space reserved for the ritual sacrifice of Rebecca Long Bailey so that they could ascend into the afterlife together, plus a small sphinx with the face of Karl Marx and the body of Diane Abbott, which he described to the architects from memory.
‘Cancelling it is not because of the EHRC report but because I just couldn’t find the cheap labour for such a mammoth project,’ said the ex-Labour leader. ‘My final solution’ had been to shift the drainage pipes further down the allotment lane but the council just wouldn’t agree.’ His spokesperson was then heard to moan ‘Oh, Jeremy Corbyn’ softly, while holding his head in his hands.