While the UK goes into full Lockdown, it may seem incongruous that teachers are able to go to work, seemingly without ill effect, other than their usual dead, soulless eyes. A spokeswoman for the Prime Minister explained the absence of PPE: ‘Mr. Johnson does not believe in protection – just ask the child support agency.’
Studies prove that thanks to prolonged exposure to whiteboards and red marker pens, teachers have built up an immunity to viral infections. They are invulnerable to infectious children, just as they are impervious to pay rises.
Unions and sceptical of the data that suggests tweed jackets with leather elbow patches are more effective than masks. Other graphs show that plenty of exam paperwork can improve your longevity and standardized marking is the secret to happiness.
Unlike those dying of Covid, teachers cannot get ill – except during school holidays. Even if they do die on the job, technically: ‘It’s their own time they’re wasting’.