US election: results might be in before first Mars landing


The United States Government has ‘high hopes’ of delivering the Presidential election results before they put a man on Mars.

“As the world’s most technologically advanced nation we can drop a missile on a person from a drone circling the planet at 30,000 feet”, a spokesman said. “Plus, we’ve achieved election technology approaching the highest standards of Victorian England. As soon as the votes are cast – in fireplaces – we will send urchins up there to retrieve them, where they will be counted by men dressed in frock coats and wearing monocles”.

The interval between votes being cast and the decision arriving is known in America as ‘Riot Week’. It is traditionally a time to stock up on white goods at 100% discount.

As soon as the decision is confirmed the US Government will send a telegram to Queen Victoria. She’s been dead a while but they don’t have broadband yet.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2020 by

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