One week into the annual daylight saving time season and a government spokesman admitted today that ‘nobody knows why we do this.’ There was a time, before alarm clocks and halogen lights, when farmers were encouraged to get up at the time their body clocks told them to get up and work while there was daylight, as opposed to getting up when their body clocks told them to and working when it got light until it got dark.
‘We’ve saved rather a lot of daylight,’ enthused one government spokesman who wanted to stay ‘on message’, opening a cardboard box to show how much daylight had been saved since the half term. ‘Oh bugger, I’ve just let it out again,’ he said, closing the box. ‘Never mind, we’ve still got months and months of saving to be getting on with.’
Another spokesman insisted it wasn’t saving daylight for the dark winter months, but was saving it for the long summer days when it hardly gets dark. ‘That’s it, farmers can get up when their body tells them to and it’ll be light, just as it would be the day before daylight saving time,’ he said, unconvincingly.
‘Anyway, under Brexit this will be abolished. Or enshrined in proper UK law covering the UK, apart from Scotland, Wales and Ireland who will do whatever they f*cking please as usual.’